Whether you’re experiencing symptoms, making decisions about family planning, or just wanting to ensure everything is working as it should, having a clear, honest conversation is the first step.

Bringing up sexual or reproductive health concerns with a doctor or nurse might feel intimidating. However, it’s important to remember that this is a natural and necessary part of medical care.

Sexual health affects many aspects of your overall well-being. For example, untreated sexually transmitted infections (STIs) can lead to chronic pain, infertility, or complications during pregnancy.

Hormonal imbalances related to your reproductive system may affect your mood, sleep, or energy levels. Even stress about sexual performance or pain during penetration can hinder your mental health and relationships.

Remember, you are not alone, and your questions or experiences are not unusual. Here’s how to prepare for and navigate these important discussions to ensure you get the support and care you deserve.

Before your appointment, think about what you want to discuss. This might include:

Take time to jot down your symptoms, questions, and any specific goals for the visit. Keeping a list on your phone or a piece of paper can help you stay focused, especially if you’re feeling nervous or overwhelmed.

You can also give the list to your healthcare professional and ask them to go over it with you.

Although it may be tempting to wait for a healthcare professional to raise the subject, doing so may do more harm than good in the long run. After all, doctors and other healthcare professionals are not mind readers.

Steering them in the right direction ensures that you receive the care or information you need without delay. Here are some phrases to help you start the conversation:

  • I’ve been meaning to ask about something related to my sex life.
  • I’ve noticed changes in my cycle and want to make sure everything is OK.
  • I’m considering becoming pregnant and want to talk about planning.

Some people find it easier to discuss intimate topics using medical terms because they feel impersonal. Others may find it more difficult to use anatomical or clinical terms because they’re unfamiliar or revealing.

Whatever language you use, try to be as specific as possible. For example, instead of vague phrases like “something feels off down there,” try something like “it hurts when my partner fingers me” or “it stings when I pee.”

Being direct might feel awkward at first, but it prevents confusion and speeds up the process of getting answers or treatment.

Your healthcare professional needs accurate information to offer the best care. This includes details about what sex looks like for you and whether you’ve experienced nonconsensual activity or feel unsafe in a relationship.

You can expect them to ask questions to better understand your situation. These may include:

  • Do you engage in solo or partnered sexual activity?
  • Have you had penis-in-vagina, penis-in-anus, or vulva-on-vulva sex?
  • Do you use protection during partner sex, such as condoms or dental dams?
  • Have you had any previous pregnancies or STIs?
  • Are you experiencing any pain, discomfort, or changes in your body?
  • What is your menstrual cycle like? Are your periods regular or infrequent?
  • Are you planning to become pregnant now or in the future?

These questions aren’t meant to judge or invade your privacy but to help guide appropriate care. Try to answer as honestly as you can. You can always ask why a particular question is relevant or decline to answer.

If something feels too personal, let your healthcare professional know you’re not ready to talk about it. You can always say, “I’m not comfortable discussing that right now” or “Can we focus on this topic first?”

It can also help to mention relevant lifestyle factors like stress, sleep, diet, and exercise, as these can all affect your sexual and reproductive health.

Your healthcare professional may provide an “after visit summary” that you can access in an online portal or take home as a printout. However, these aren’t always comprehensive, so many people find it helpful to take notes.

You can also ask to record the conversation if you’re worried you might forget key details. This can be helpful for reviewing instructions later or even sharing the information with a partner if you choose to do so.

If your provider uses medical jargon or says something you don’t understand, ask them to clarify. You have the right to receive information in a way that’s accessible and respectful.

In some cases, a healthcare professional may not have the specific expertise to fully address a sexual or reproductive concern.

A primary care physician, for example, may not be familiar with the nuances of in vitro fertilization (IVF) and other assisted reproductive technologies. However, they may be able to make a referral.

Depending on your needs, you may benefit from meeting with a specialist, such as an:

Health conversations don’t always end with a single visit. If you forget to ask something or new concerns arise, reach out between appointments or bring it up at your next check-in.

Your healthcare professional should treat you with respect throughout your visit. That means:

If any part of your experience feels disrespectful — including interactions with front desk staff — bring it up during your appointment or report it to the clinic’s patient advocate or office manager.

If you raise a health concern and feel it’s not being taken seriously, tell your healthcare professional to document in your chart that you reported the symptoms and that they decided no treatment was necessary. This may seem bold, but it signals that your concern is real and that you want your voice heard.

If you continue to feel dismissed, disrespected, or uncomfortable, consider finding a new doctor or other healthcare professional. While switching can be a hassle, it’s well worth the effort to have someone you trust and feel safe with. You can request that your previous provider send your records to your new one to avoid starting from scratch.

Sexual and reproductive health is personal, but it shouldn’t be taboo. The more openly and honestly you communicate with your provider, the better they can support you.

Speaking up about these topics can help prevent or treat health conditions and improve relationships, confidence, and overall quality of life.