Older adults may have more difficulty making friends. Since loneliness can negatively affect physical and mental health, it’s a good idea to develop strategies for increasing social connections as you age.
Friendship is an essential part of the human experience. In fact, friendship can be powerful medication, helping increase self-esteem, ease anxiety, and improve overall health.
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While loneliness has long been associated with a decline in mental health, it also poses an increased risk of dementia, heart disease, and stroke.
Finding quality friends is an obstacle at any age, but older adults may have a more difficult time.
“In later life, we tend to be less active in environments that give an opportunity to make friends,” says GinaMarie Guarino, a licensed mental health counselor with PsychPoint. While younger people often find socialization within school and hobbies, older adults may spend their time prioritizing their family or career.
“Some people never progress beyond the friends they made in school or college or stick with family members. However, as we get older, former school friends can drift away, people pass on, and friendship circles diminish,” says psychotherapist and self-help author Tina B. Tessina, PhD.
How many friends does the average 65-year-old have?
That said, making friends later in life can be challenging, but not impossible. According to a Pew Research Center survey from 2020, nearly half of adults ages 65 and older (49%) still report having five or more close friends.
Here are 10 tips for helping increase your social circle and reduce loneliness:
Make time for your hobbies
Hobbies can be a helpful tool for meeting others with like-minded interests. “It’s important to reconnect with things you enjoy and doing so is the easiest way to build new friendships organically,” says Paige Harnish, licensed independent social worker and owner of Lifetime Therapy Services.
Brush up on your art skills with a community painting class, boost your endorphins with a group exercise class, join a book club — the opportunities are endless. Carve out time for hobbies that can enrich your overall happiness and provide an easy path to friendships.
Don’t be afraid to make the first move
Taking the initiative to spark a conversation with someone or invite them on an outing can feel awkward at first. Don’t let the fear of rejection hold you back from making the first move and showing interest in getting to know someone.
If your invitation is rebuffed or you find you don’t have a strong connection, don’t take it personally. “Congratulate yourself on having the courage to have taken that risk. Take a breath and when it feels appropriate, try again with someone else,” says psychotherapist Arlene B. Englander, LCSW, MBA.
Join a community or volunteer group
“Look for opportunities to regularly see the same group of people. Bonus points if it’s a group of people who naturally have the same interests or values,” says Jessica Tappana, psychologist and founder of Aspire Counseling.
For example, community groups and volunteer programs can help you establish a routine that fosters rapport and deepens friendships.
Contact your local community center or look for senior activity centers, which are usually free. Try the YMCA for various programs for older adults. To find volunteer opportunities, research organizations related to your interests or ask your place of worship about volunteer events.
Have an open mind
When meeting new people, “try to be a little more forgiving and flexible during your interactions and give the person more time to grow on you,” says psychiatrist Dr. Rashimi Parmar. “Focus more on the positive aspects of the person while ignoring minor flaws or differences.”
But, don’t ignore people with different interests. “Sometimes we gravitate toward people who we feel most similar to, but a lot of richness can come from difference,” says Saba Harouni Lurie, founder of Take Root Therapy.
Work on your self-esteem
Parmar also encourages patients to engage in self-compassion and positive self-talk on a regular basis.
In addition, ask yourself what types of relationships you want to have in your life and discover what qualities you bring to a friendship. Having a better understanding of yourself can help you attract people who fit the relationship you’re looking for and weed out fickle friendships.
Don’t forget to reciprocate
Lurie also recommends asking yourself, “When you invite someone to talk or to do something, do they accept the invitation? When you ask them a question, do they respond and continue the conversation with their own inquiry?” If the relationship is one-sided, this may not be the right person to focus on.
In a “give and take” relationship, you also don’t want to be all “take.” Be authentic and vulnerable, but don’t use your friendship as an opportunity to take advantage of someone. If you’re the friend who always talks about themselves, be cognizant of also asking and actively listening to the person you’re starting a friendship with.
Make the space and time for new friendships
It’s difficult to build a relationship if you lack the time to engage and spend time together. Parmar recommends freeing up your time, energy, and finances so that you can invest some of them toward quality friendships.
“If you have a busy schedule and feel burned out by the end of the day, you may have to prioritize your daily schedule and set aside some time over weekends toward this goal,” says Parmar.
Look at the people you already know
The search for a friend can feel intimidating, and you may feel like you’re starting from scratch. While you’re making new friends, don’t forget the people you already know,” suggests Tessina.
“Are there acquaintances at work, at church, in your neighborhood, involved in your child’s (or your own) school, or elsewhere with whom you could develop a friendship? Consider reaching out to them,” she encourages.
Embrace the web
Nadia Charif, a wellness coach and advisor at Coffeeble, has found that her clients can find happiness through online relationships. “A surprising amount of friend-induced happiness can come from digital connections,” she says.
Charif recommends searching for Facebook groups with people of common interests. “Indeed, my own grandmother is a Facebook maven and is still quite vibrant — socially and emotionally — at the age of 83,” she quips.
Online communities can also make their way into in-person friendships. Try finding local groups on Facebook or find local virtual and in-person events using apps like MeetUp.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help
If you find that you’re feeling stuck or experiencing difficult emotions during your quest for friendship, consider reaching out to a mental health counselor for support. Parmar finds that sometimes there may be “deep-seated issues like depression, anxiety, or trauma-related conditions that need to be addressed first.”
Conditions like depression can fuel social isolation, while anxiety can sometimes cause fears about engaging in social activities. Likewise, you may find it helpful to work on strategies if you feel a bit discouraged or alone.
Finding friends can be challenging at any age, but don’t let that deter you from expanding your social circle. Interpersonal relationships contribute to health, happiness, and your overall well-being.
It’s normal to feel nervous or awkward when trying to strike up a friendship. In the long run, stepping out of your comfort zone and keeping an open mind can help you create lasting relationships.
Jillian Goltzman is a freelance journalist covering culture, social impact, wellness, and lifestyle. She’s been published in various outlets, including Cosmopolitan, Glamour, and Fodor’s Travel Guide. Outside of writing, Jillian is a public speaker who loves discussing the power of social media — something she spends too much time on. She enjoys reading, her houseplants, and cuddling with her corgi. Find her work on her website, blog, Twitter, and Instagram.