Coping with Depression After a Breakup

Post-breakup emotions vs. symptoms of depression

Since symptoms of depression look different for everyone, it can be difficult to understand whether sadness and grief are a typical reaction to a breakup or a sign of something more serious, like depression.

Remember: It’s OK to grieve the loss of a relationship as you begin the healing process. But this doesn’t suggest that every emotion you feel will heal on its own.

Knowing which emotions should heal with time and which could be symptoms of depression may help you determine if you may need additional support from a therapist or another mental health professional.

Short-term emotions after a breakup

Common emotions to experience after a breakup in the short term that don’t point to depression include:

• anger and frustration
• sadness
• fear
• loneliness
• insomnia
• disinterest in activities you usually enjoy

The amount of time it will take for these emotions to heal varies for each person, so patience is key. But they should only last for a couple of weeks as you adjust to life without your partner.

Any emotions that persist could be a sign of depression.

Symptoms of depression after a breakup

You should speak with a doctor if your symptoms persist or worsen after 2 weeks. You should also contact emergency services immediately if you have thoughts of death.

To receive a diagnosis of depression, you must experience at least 5 of the following 9 criteria outlined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fifth edition (DSM-5) for a period of 2 weeks or more:

• feeling sad, empty, or hopeless for most of the day, nearly every day
• loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed (anhedonia)
• changes in appetite and weight
• sleeping either too little or too much
• an increase in movements like pacing or hand wringing, or having significantly slower speech and movement
• feeling fatigued or as if you have no energy for most of the day
• feeling worthless or guilty
• difficulty concentrating or making decisions
• thoughts about death (suicidal ideation)

Only a health professional, such as a psychologist or psychiatrist, can provide a diagnosis of depression. Try to avoid self-diagnosis.

During a screening for depression, a health professional will likely have you answer a few questions about what and how you’re feeling and fill out a questionnaire.

Treatments for depression

Speak with a doctor if your symptoms don’t start to improve in 2 weeks. They may recommend a combination of medication, therapy, and lifestyle changes.

What works for someone else may not work for you. It may take some trial and error to develop an effective treatment plan.

Medication

Based on your symptoms, a doctor may prescribe an antidepressant to help you cope with your emotions. These include:

• selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, such as fluoxetine and paroxetine
• selective norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors, such as duloxetine and venlafaxine
• tricyclic antidepressants, such as imipramine and nortriptyline
• monoamine oxidase inhibitors, such as tranylcypromine and phenelzine

Make sure you understand the risks of taking antidepressants and take them only as directed by your doctor or pharmacist. Some medications may cause:

• sexual side effects
• increased appetite
• insomnia
• weight gain

Note any side effects you experience, and mention them to your doctor. You may need to try several different medications and dosages before finding the one that works best for you.

Therapy

Talk therapy, combined with medication, is often a first-line treatment for depression. Combination therapy often works better for improving symptoms of depression than just one or the other.

Talk therapy involves speaking about your thoughts, feelings, fears, emotions, and more with a therapist. They can help you determine appropriate coping strategies and see things from a different perspective.

Other successful therapies for depression include:

• cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which helps you recognize negative behaviors and replace them with more positive ones
• dialectical behavior therapy, which combines aspects of CBT with mindfulness practices
• mindfulness-based therapies, which incorporate mindfulness practices to help manage your symptoms
• interpersonal therapy, which focuses on how you form and maintain relationships with others
• psychodynamic therapy, which explores the unconscious process and unresolved conflicts that may underlie depression

Some therapists may specialize in helping people through breakups and with their relationships.

Lifestyle changes

Ways to cope with depression that can be done from the comfort of your home include:

• Keep yourself entertained: Explore hobbies and keep your mind occupied. It can help to take your mind off your relationship just for a little bit, but try not to completely shut out your feelings.
• Exercise: Aim for 30 minutes of physical activity at least 3 times a week, but it’s OK if you can only do 5 to 10 minutes. Just focus on what you can accomplish at this time.
• Sleep well: Aim for 7 to 9 hours of sleep every night. Improving your sleep hygiene may help you wake up feeling more well-rested.
• Try natural remedies: Ask your doctor about supplements used for depression, such as St. John’s wort, S-adenosylmethionine (SAMe), and fish oil. Some supplements should not be combined with prescription medication, so consult your doctor beforehand.
• Try alternative therapies: You can also explore alternative therapies for depression, such as acupuncture, massage therapy, and meditation.

It might feel overwhelming to implement all of these changes at once, so try to focus on only what feels manageable to you right now.

You may also be tempted to reach out to your ex or look at photos you took together. Or you may want to jump into a new relationship right away.

However, remember that you need time to heal from a breakup, and these actions may hinder your progress.

Finding support after a breakup

Going through a breakup may be easier when you don’t have to go through it alone, so surround yourself with positive people who encourage you.

You can also try:

• cultivating new friendships and reconnecting with old friends
• getting involved in your community to meet new people
• joining a club, taking a class, or volunteering

Consider joining a support group, where you can meet people healing from similar experiences and learn coping techniques.

Look for breakup support groups near your home, or choose a support group for depression. Start your search with:

• the National Alliance on Mental Illness
• the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance
• Mental Health America

If you’d rather not talk about the breakup just yet, then don’t. Only bring it up once you feel comfortable. Don’t let others pressure you into talking about something that you still need time to heal from.

What is the outlook for depression after a breakup?

Despite the rollercoaster ride of a breakup, it’s possible to heal from one.

The outlook is positive with proper treatment and adherence to that treatment, but it’s important not to ignore negative feelings and sadness.

The healing process varies for each person. But with the help of friends, family, and maybe a professional, you can overcome your breakup.

The takeaway

Not everyone will experience depression after a breakup, but if you do, know that it’s manageable.

You may appreciate extra support from family and friends who bring positivity into your life. Or you may prefer turning to a therapist who can address your symptoms and help you create an effective treatment plan.

Whichever you choose, remember it’s important to let yourself feel emotions. You’ll only be able to overcome them once you acknowledge them and that they’re a part of the healing and growing process.